she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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