Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
