Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
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She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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