He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
