i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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