i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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