Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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