I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
