I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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