apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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