Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
