I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
