an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
