first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I FOUND THE LEGS
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
