so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
