A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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