too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
