Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
