No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?