I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...