Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto