Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.