but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
