I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
