just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
