I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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