I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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