I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize