i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
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we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
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I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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