Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
