I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
