Plan B is the new Plan A
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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