I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
