Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
