she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize