If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
