Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
