My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
