Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
cat food counts as protein by the way
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
