I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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