I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
