porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
YAS. BRING CRAB.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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