The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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