does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
