I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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