my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM VODKA MAN
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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