Apparently you make a good broom.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize