put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
