I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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