Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
a search helicopter?!
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
