FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
