what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
