Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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