Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
