dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Houston, we have a blender
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
