If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I have feelings that need drinking.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
