I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
