What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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