K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
When did angry sex become our thing?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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