So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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