I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize