Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
