just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
