No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
