I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
