somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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