I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
