Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
