I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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