i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
