yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
im having a threesome with these popsicles
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
