Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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