dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
