We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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