a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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