Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
