She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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